January (venting-read at your own risk)

We are almost a third of the way through January.  January is the one month of the year that I am just happy to make it through.  Good things have happened in January. I have some good friends that were born in January.

January, is also very memorable for the bad things that have happened.  People that were very dear to me, died in January. My mother, dear friends, each loss stays with you.  You lose a bit of yourself in those losses. Losing them means losing someone to share those precious memories with. It contributes to an alone feeling.

January emphasizes aloneness. I share parts of my life with others, and those people are important to me. John Donne famously said that ‘No Man is an Island’. We really are.  Each of us is truly alone.  No one truly sees us on the inside-only we see the inside. We see the things we don’t share with others. We see all of the hurts, the imperfections, the places where we don’t measure up. We see who truly lives inside. Others see the outside we choose to show them.  I am continually surprised by what people see.  They see much more of the good than I see.  That must mean I am effective at shielding them from the rest of me.

I have faced some of the biggest hurts in January.  I learned about a deep, painful, life altering betrayal in January.  I also had to begin a new life in January.  I am overall proud of who I am now, but I also suffer losses because of those changes.  I get reminders of those hurts-not just in January. January had a lot to do with those beginnings, though.

This year I lost my cat. She died at the very end of December, but I am dealing with her loss in January. She was a good kitty, a good companion, someone to talk to, and my last pet.

It doesn’t help that the weather is its grayest, its unfriendliest in January. Ugly temperatures, ugly snow storms, cars that won’t start. Streets that aren’t plowed. January has 31 days.  Why can’t January be the leap month?

It’s not the snow that I hate, it’s having to navigate through it, when it is nearly impossible. It is dealing with cars and sidewalks. Trying to walk across an icy parking lot and staying upright for the whole walk.  I think that snow can be beautiful. A sunny snowy day is beautiful. Many things in life are beautiful, but navigating through life is not. January reminds me of that truth every year.

We get a new President in January.  That didn’t work so well last January.  Congress reconvenes in January, and lately that has been a bad thing. Most of the laws they have passed have not been friendly to anyone outside of a select few.  I am outside of that select few. If you aren’t part of the richest 1%-so are you. I am not turning this into a political diatribe. I am merely adding that politics has a part in the misery of January.

My office job was intense, but spending most of January at the office doing all of the year end payroll work had an upside-I could ignore my bad memories.

Nine days down, 22 days to go.  I will see my way through this January. I always do, but I am never at my happiest in January. January 2018 is not the exception.

Raising my coffee mug to better days in February.

9 thoughts on “January (venting-read at your own risk)

  1. I’m so sorry that the month brings you painful memories. All I can say is that I hope the month passes quickly for you. Can you schedule any treats/nice things to look forward to? X

    1. Thank you for your sympathy and suggestion. I will definitely do something special this month. Overall, I am good, but every so often everything piles up. So, I blogged the mess. I am in a better place now. Sometimes, our minds and the chatter that goes on in them, is our worst enemy.

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